How My Attachment Patterns Impact the Way I Manage Chronic Migraines
The Link Between Chronic Illness and Attachment Trauma
For years, I thought my migraines were just something I had to push through. Like so many others navigating chronic illness, I convinced myself that resting wasn’t an option and that I had to keep going no matter how much my body begged for relief.
What I didn’t realize at the time was that my attachment style was shaping how I coped with chronic pain. The way I handled migraines mirrored the way I moved through relationships, work, and stress.
On a recent episode of The Chronic Illness Therapists Podcast, I had the opportunity to dive deep into this connection, sharing my personal experiences with migraine management, attachment wounds, and the difficulty of asking for help when you are used to being the strong one.
If you’ve ever struggled with feeling like you have to manage everything alone, this conversation will resonate with you.
How Attachment Styles Shape Our Response to Chronic Pain
Our attachment patterns don’t just impact our romantic relationships; they influence how we navigate stress, burnout, self-care, and chronic health conditions.
Before I started healing my attachment trauma, I didn’t recognize how deeply my nervous system was wired for survival. My migraines weren’t just a physical struggle—they were a window into my emotional patterns.
Avoidant Attachment and Chronic Illness
People with avoidant attachment styles often struggle with hyper-independence and find it difficult to ask for help. This was me for years.
I felt like I had to manage my migraines alone, even when they were debilitating.
Asking for help felt uncomfortable and risky, so I avoided it.
I believed that if I could just push through, I would prove my strength and resilience.
Anxious Attachment and Chronic Pain
For those with anxious attachment styles, chronic illness can bring up fears of being a burden or not being taken seriously.
I worried that if I expressed my pain, I would be seen as weak.
I struggled to set boundaries, often pushing through discomfort to avoid disappointing others.
I felt the need to over-explain or justify my pain to be taken seriously.
Survival Mode and the Nervous System’s Role in Pain Management
When we’ve lived in survival mode for years, our nervous system adapts by keeping us on high alert. This often leads to ignoring the body’s signals until it forces us to stop.
I was so used to proving my worth through overworking that rest felt unnatural.
My body was sending me signals, but I had been conditioned to ignore them.
I wasn’t just experiencing migraines, I was battling years of learned self-neglect.
The Shift: Learning to Ask for Help and Redefining Rest
Healing attachment trauma meant I had to confront the deeply ingrained belief that asking for support made me weak. I had to unlearn the idea that my worth was tied to productivity and that I had to earn the right to rest.
Through my own healing work, I have learned:
Asking for help is not a weakness—it’s an act of self-trust.
People who truly care about me want to support me, not just rely on me.
Rest is a necessity, not something I need to justify.
This is something I see not only in myself but in my therapy clients as well. So many of us struggle with unlearning survival mode and trusting that we are safe enough to rest.
The Connection to My Workbook, Attachment Style Makeover
This is exactly why I wrote Attachment Style Makeover—because attachment wounds don’t just affect relationships.
They shape how we handle stress, burnout, and chronic illness.
They determine whether we ask for help or push through alone.
They influence our ability to set boundaries and listen to our body’s needs.
My workbook provides practical exercises and insights to help you:
Identify your attachment style and how it affects your life beyond relationships.
Recognize self-sabotaging patterns related to work, stress, and emotional well-being.
Learn small but powerful daily shifts to move toward secure attachment and emotional safety.
Listen to the Podcast and Start Your Healing Journey
If any of this resonates with you, I invite you to listen to my full conversation on The Chronic Illness Therapists Podcast. We go even deeper into:
The connection between chronic illness and attachment trauma.
The nervous system’s role in how we process pain and stress.
How to unlearn survival mode and ask for help without guilt.
Listen to the full episode here
Get Attachment Style Makeover here
Have you ever noticed how your attachment patterns influence the way you manage stress, illness, or self-care? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.
