Free Therapy Thursday: How Should You Confront A Loved One With An Eating Disorder?
During a Free Therapy Thursday segment on the Bert Show, I had the chance to dive into an incredibly sensitive topic—helping a loved one who is struggling with an eating disorder, specifically anorexia. A listener, Rebecca, reached out with deep concern for someone in her life who is in denial about their condition. She was looking for advice on how to confront the issue in a way that might help without pushing her loved one away.
Watching someone you care about battle an eating disorder is heartbreaking, and the denial that often comes with it can make things even harder. With anorexia, in particular, this denial is amplified by a physiological phenomenon. When the body is deprived of essential nutrients, it also impacts cognitive function. Think about the last time you were extremely hungry—chances are, your thoughts became foggy, and things may have started to feel a little off. This is what’s happening, but on a much larger scale, for someone struggling with anorexia.
Here’s what I suggested to Rebecca, and these tips may be helpful if you’re in a similar situation:
1. Encourage an Eating Disorder Evaluation
If your loved one is in denial, one of the most helpful steps is to gently suggest they undergo an eating disorder evaluation—ideally with a specialist who works with eating disorders. A general therapist or doctor may not fully understand the nuances of eating disorders, so it’s crucial to find someone with the right expertise.
When bringing this up, you or someone your loved one trusts should remain calm and non-judgmental. If they push back or deny that there’s an issue, try not to force the conversation any further at that moment. Instead, ask them to agree to just one thing—the evaluation. Let them know that’s your only ask for now, and allow the specialist to take the lead from there. These professionals are trained to help individuals with low insight into their disorder recognize that care is needed.
2. Avoid Taking a Sensational Approach
It’s natural to feel a sense of urgency, and you might be tempted to make strong statements like, “You’re going to die if this doesn’t stop.” But often, that approach will only lead to them shutting down or shutting you out. Instead, try to stay calm and rational, even when the stakes feel high.
A more effective strategy is to:
Maintain a soothing presence.
Use any data or insights gathered from a respected eating disorder specialist.
Your calm energy can help them feel safe enough to open up, and over time, they may begin to tap into that calm and see the situation more clearly.
3. Be Patient and Compassionate
Confronting someone in denial about an eating disorder is a long, challenging road, but patience and compassion go a long way. Keep in mind that your goal is to open the door to understanding and healing. This process won’t happen overnight, and there will likely be setbacks along the way. However, by showing steady support and keeping the conversation open, you can help guide them toward the help they need.
If you’re in a similar situation, know that you don’t have to do this alone. Eating disorder specialists and support networks are here to help both you and your loved one navigate this difficult journey. It’s important to take things one step at a time, focus on what you can control, and let the experts help with the rest.
If you or someone you know is struggling, reach out to a specialist in your area or explore resources like NEDA to find support.
