Free Therapy Thursday: How Do You Navigate Grief During The Holidays?
I had the opportunity to join the Bert Show for Free Therapy Thursday, where I connected with a listener navigating the immense grief of losing her mother just months before the holiday season. Her pain, raw and profound, resonated deeply as she described the heartbreak of facing her first Christmas without her mom, who had been her constant support, confidante, and source of advice.
Grief is a challenging companion, especially when it intersects with the joy and togetherness of the holidays. Here are three things I shared on the show that I hope will give you permission to navigate your grief in the way that feels right for you, rather than the way you think you should.
1. Practice Gratitude
Gratitude may seem impossible when you're in the depths of loss, but it can be a tool for shifting away from the tunnel vision grief often creates. It’s not about ignoring or pretending the loss isn’t there; instead, it's about expanding your perspective. Grief doesn’t have to be the only thing present. Try to focus on the little moments or people that are still meaningful in your life. Your reality isn’t all good or all bad—there’s space for both the love and the loss.
2. Make a Plan—In Fact, Make a Plan A and Plan B
The unpredictability of grief is one of its most difficult aspects. You know it will hurt, but it’s hard to predict when the waves will crash and how hard they’ll hit. That’s why I suggest creating both a Plan A and a Plan B. This might look like checking in with yourself, rating your mood on a scale of 1-10, and adjusting your plans accordingly. If you’re feeling a 7, you might be up for spending time with family. If you’re at a 3, you may need to take a step back and care for yourself quietly. Be flexible with your expectations and allow room for your emotional state to shift.
3. Act the Opposite of Your Urges
When heavy emotions take hold, they often come with strong urges—like withdrawing, isolating, or avoiding. Acting opposite to those urges can help you engage with life, even when it feels hard. It’s okay to carry your grief with you, and sometimes, instead of resisting it, you can bring that “heavy love” into the spaces that bring you comfort and joy.
Permission to Grieve While Living
It’s okay to let go of the expectation that you must be absent of grief to find moments of enjoyment in life. Instead of seeing your grief as a burden, consider reframing it as “heavy love.” You carry that love for your mom with you every day, and you can bring it into moments of joy, connection, or peace. This holiday season, don’t pressure yourself to be free of grief—take it with you, one step at a time.
If you’re going through something similar, please know that you’re not alone. Grief is a long journey, and there’s no right or wrong way to move through it. Resources like OptionB.org can offer support, and practices like yoga therapy can help bring some calm into your day. If you're local, join our yoga therapy group tomorrow at 1:30 p.m.
To anyone grieving this holiday season, take the time and space you need to honor your loss—and remember, you don’t have to walk this path alone.
