When Holding a Workplace Grudge is Actually a Sign of Growth
There’s a common belief that "letting go and moving on" is always the healthiest response to conflict. But what if holding onto a workplace grudge actually serves a purpose?
Most people don’t stew in resentment just for the sake of it. A lingering sense of injustice, frustration, or disappointment often signals something deeper—a boundary that was crossed, a value that was violated, or an unmet need that deserves attention.
Rather than forcing yourself to "get over it," consider how your reaction can be channeled into something constructive.
Why We Hold Grudges at Work
Grudges don’t form in a vacuum. They arise when we experience betrayal, unfair treatment, or a lack of accountability.
Maybe a colleague took credit for your work. A manager overlooked your contributions. A workplace culture minimized your concerns. Instead of resolving the issue, you were expected to move on quietly, leaving you stuck in resentment.
This isn't just "dwelling on the past." It’s your brain’s way of signaling, “Something about this situation didn’t sit right with me.” And that insight is valuable.
When a Workplace Grudge Can Be a Good Thing
Instead of seeing a grudge as a sign of bitterness, reframe it as a form of self-protection and self-awareness. It can:
Clarify your boundaries: If a situation left you feeling disrespected or undervalued, your lingering frustration is an opportunity to identify what you will and won’t tolerate moving forward.
Help you advocate for yourself: If you’ve been avoiding tough conversations or suppressing your feelings, reflecting on a grudge can help you decide if it’s time to address the issue directly.
Reinforce your values: Holding onto resentment might be a sign that the workplace (or leadership) does not align with your professional values. This awareness can help you make more informed career decisions.
When Holding a Grudge Becomes Harmful
Not all grudges are productive. If you find yourself:
Replaying the situation repeatedly with no resolution
Avoiding colleagues out of resentment
Internalizing the experience as self-doubt or shame
Letting past events impact your ability to perform or collaborate
…it might be time to shift from holding onto the grudge to processing it in a healthier way.
How to Process Workplace Resentment in a Healthy Way
Validate your feelings – Your reaction is not irrational. It’s information. Instead of suppressing it, acknowledge what it’s telling you.
Ask yourself: What do I need? – Is it an apology? A changed behavior? A boundary? If the situation cannot be changed, what lesson can you take from it?
Decide how to move forward – This could mean having a direct conversation, setting firmer boundaries, or even exploring new opportunities where you feel more valued.
Reframe the experience – Instead of seeing it as a loss, consider what it taught you about yourself and your workplace dynamics.
Final Thoughts: You Don’t Have to "Just Get Over It"
Grudges aren’t inherently negative. Sometimes, they are a signal that we deserve better. Instead of forcing yourself to let go before you’re ready, ask:
What is this frustration teaching me?
And more importantly, how can I use this insight to create a workplace experience that feels aligned, empowering, and secure?
Have you ever held onto a workplace grudge? What did it reveal to you? Let’s discuss in the comments.
If workplace challenges like boundary-setting, self-doubt, or emotional exhaustion are impacting your leadership or career, I can help. Book a consult to explore how your attachment patterns influence your professional growth
